brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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