I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
