woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
