walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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