dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
