everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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