i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
