you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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