We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
