I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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