Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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