Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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