forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
