plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
