quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
