Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
