At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
