It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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