nut hugger
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
