my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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