Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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