Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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