but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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