New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
