woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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