i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
