Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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