well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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