Your dad touched me again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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