I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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