Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
