Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
