But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
