It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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