I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Buhtt sex?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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