I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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