just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
