i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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