i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
