i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
