actually, I'm a sock model
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
