They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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