she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
