i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
