We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
