Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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