NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
