you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
