I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
