Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
