well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
