The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
