I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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