hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
