glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
